Pass on the Past?

When you are in a new relationship should you “Pass on” the past experiences you have had with others to your new suitor or should you “Pass on” giving that information to them? This is a question that many people have when they start to get past the “Passive-Aggressive” stage of dating and start thinking longer term. Your mind starts racing with questions of “Will they respect me if they knew What type of things I have tried... or How Many people I have been with... or Which people I have been with...etc” On one hand you feel so close to them and want to take the “Don’t Have Anything to Hide” stance, but on the other hand you feel that your past is just that…“Past” and no longer relevant, so you want to take the “Don’t Have Anything to Gain” stance. Depending on how many artifacts are in your “Closet”, the answer can vary.

Most people are attracted to someone because of what they believe that person to be like when they meet them. As time goes on, people start to share more of themselves with each other and become closer. As long as no one is “acting”, but being themselves upfront, the relationship will continue until either or both parties believe that they have seen enough and determine if it is or isn’t going to work. If we lived in a world where everyone minded their own business and relationships had no outside interferences, this is what would happen naturally between the two people. Unfortunately, there are plenty of what I call “Gossip Historians” out there ready to “preserve” YOUR past. These are the people who feel it is their duty is to inform any and everyone who will listen about the scoop on other people’s past and they often don’t let facts get in the way of a good story. Therefore, your past relationship experiences may come up to your mate without you being in control of how it is being presented.

The “Don’t Have Anything to Hide” stance is very noble and brave and could lead to a better or worse relationship. You may share a past experience you had with someone else which may be something your new mate had been nervous to ask you to do with them. This may open up new doors and emotions for this relationship. This could also be detrimental if that was an experimental act and you have no desire to do it again. Your mate may start taking it personal that someone else was able to share that with you but you won’t let them. This would be a very immature reaction and a sign that your mate may have not reached Mental Maturity yet. This would lead you to the stance of “Don’t Have Anything to Gain”. Therefore, proceed with caution on “What” and “How much” you share with them.

Your relationship should always be forward looking and it should have room to grow as both of you grow. When sharing your past, you should always ask yourself the question, “What is the relevance of what I am sharing?” You absolutely should share your past if it could be harmful to your mate’s future. This would include anything that would harm their health or family situation. For example, if you have an incurable disease that can be passed on or if you have slept with their family member or best friend then you should share this information. While these things happened in the past, they can have lingering or damaging future consequences for your mate. However, you shouldn't share things that you perceive would be detrimental to their “reputation” or potential relationships with other people that are in their extended circle.

You should try to anticipate your mate’s reaction to any past information you share. If they are mature enough to understand that you are sharing for “Entertainment Purposes Only”, then go ahead and have fun and share some less relevant experiences. Your mate is learning and falling for the person you are NOW, NOT who you were BEFORE. If anything you have done in the past will NOT affect the future relationship, it is probably best NOT to share. PASS ON your past for GROWTH not GOSSIP.