Does Monogamy mean Monopoly?

Does being in a committed relationship mean that you have to spend ALL of your time with your mate? Should you lose your friends and hobbies that you had “Pre-Monogamy”? Many people think that you have to give up everything that you like INDIVIDUALLY to make the MUTUAL relationship work. Many people lose themselves or their identity when they get into a committed relationship. We all have seen the person (or am the person) who disappears when they get involved in a committed relationship. No return calls… No emails… No Facebook or Twitter updates. They have all their friends trying to dig in the crates to remember if they did something or said something that offended them the last time they spoke or seen each other. But soon as their relationship is over they become pests and you can’t get rid of them because they don’t know what the world is like without a mate. Therefore, you are the “temporary fun” until they find another mate.

Relationships should occur Naturally and your behavior inside a relationship should be an extension of who you Naturally are. Therefore, if you played golf or went shopping every Thursday with your friends “Pre-Monogamy” then the relationship shouldn’t hinder you from still playing or shopping. Your hobbies are just as much a part of YOU as your conversation and romantic actions are. If you start eliminating them then you really lose a part of yourself. At some point after the “Euphoric” stage you will start to MISS doing those things and potentially MISPLACE the blame on the relationship when it really was you who made the decision to stop. Although, if your hobbies are detrimental to the relationship because they are “Single-Person” focused; then you need to eliminate those. For instance, if you spent all your free time LOOKING for a mate then you shouldn’t have a problem eliminating those actions when you are fortunate enough to FIND a mate. Going to the club or events trying to “Catch” is a problem. Meeting friends at the club or events trying to “Catch Up” shouldn’t be a problem if that is something that you like to do.

There is a difference between being an INDIVIDUAL and being SINGLE. You can be an INDIVIDUAL and still be in a Monogamous relationship…you can NOT be SINGLE and have a Monogamous relationship. That hasn’t stopped people from trying though. “In a Relationship but It’s Complicated” and “I Only Have a Friend” are a few examples of this nonsense. That is NOT a RELATIONSHIP…that is a “RELATIONS”ship. (Will blog on that separately) The point is this, you can and should do things that you may like to do that your mate does not. It is healthy for every relationship to have some “Me” time. That “Me” time can be filled with pursuing your INDIVIDUAL goals or your INDIVIDUAL hobbies that you feel will enhance or just maintain who YOU are. Of course you have to make time for the relationship and if you spend ALL of your free time golfing or shopping; then you probably don’t have time for a relationship. If you are in the right Monogamous relationship then you should NATURALLY want to do things together which shouldn’t feel like your time is being Monopolized. Be smart about it though… Don’t let the LOVE of your “PRE-Monogamy” actions end the LOVE in your relationship “PRE-Mature”!