The answer to that is typically, very different for men vs. women. Our society is almost to the point where a man is EXPECTED to cheat. In fact, MOST Women think “All Men Cheat”. So there is a mindset that “As long as he do everything else and don’t put it in my face, then Whatever!” Many women would stay with a man if he is caught cheating. Therefore, many Men truly believe that they can’t stop cheating since it is accepted. Instead of working on ways to be loyal they work on ways not to get caught or “put it in her face”. This is a very immature reaction. If you don’t WANT to do drugs but they make them legal…Do You all of a Sudden WANT to Do Drugs? People do what they WANT to do unless they succumb to societal pressure. Therefore, until a person doesn’t WANT to cheat, they WILL. I hear people say they want to stop cheating but they can’t…that is because they really don’t want to stop. That is just something that seems like the right thing to say. They may genuinely feel bad about it but that doesn’t mean they want to stop. They feel BAD about the ACT, but GOOD about the ACTION.
The reality is that Most Men even think “All Men Cheat”, which translates into Most Men Cheat or have Cheated. Let me just make this clear… All Men Don’t Cheat! However, they have to reach Mental Maturity to achieve this feat. Before then, it is like I said in one of my previous blogs… Men offer a relationship for sex and women offer sex for a relationship. These competing priorities are what drive the action that goes on inside the relationship.
Women think men keep cheating because they don’t want to GIVE IN to being committed to a relationship. However, men love relationships; they just don’t want to GIVE UP the things outside the relationship. Women are more willing to GIVE UP other things and commit to the relationship. Men think that once you GIVE IN, then you GIVE UP hanging with the boys, shooting hoops, working out, even flirting, etc. Therefore, men try to get all that in before TRULY committing. They may “GIVE IN” only in title. Since it is only in Title in their minds, they still act single on many things not limited to cheating. These are normally the topics of most arguments couples have.
Immature Men cheat to validate their freedom in their own mind. A lot of times a Man cheat and immediately think to himself afterwards, “Why did I just do That?” Men really crave Free Time more than Cheating. If you listen to a married man talk about the upcoming day that he gets to go out the house; he is as excited as a kid going to Disney World. “Man, this weekend…the wife going out with her girls so I’m free!” You would think he hit the lottery judging by the excitement in his voice. Depending on their maturity level, all men don’t cheat on their “Free Day”, but ALL men look forward to it and do the things they feel they GAVE UP. It could range from golf to hanging with the boys, to strip clubs, to bar hopping. However, More Free Time does not necessarily lead to Less Cheating. Cheating is a choice, Free Time is a desire. Immature Men use Free Time as the Trojan Horse for Cheating.
Since many women would take a man back if he cheated, there isn’t enough consequence for a man to stop. If he is caught and he really cares about her, then he will feel her pain as much as she does and will stop cheating. He will more likely mature and decide he wants something more out of the relationship. On the flip side, generally, a man’s ego will not allow him to stay with a woman who has cheated. He may stay in the relationship in “Title Only” because he doesn’t want anyone else to have her but he quickly moves to the mindset that he is single and act accordingly. He won’t feel guilty about exploiting her for whatever he can at that point. Unless he is at the top of the Mental Maturity scale; he can’t reconcile in himself that it may have been just a single event and NOT a character flaw.
People do make mistakes. So should you take someone back if they CHEAT on you? The only way it will ever work is if you are ABSOLUTELY convinced that it is something that they DID not something that they DO! You have to decide that for YOURSELF and not worry about what other people think. If you have not reached Mental Maturity, then you consume what SOCIETY feeds you until you become FED UP or FULL OF S-H-I-T. You choose!
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While I don't think that ALL men cheat, I do think finding a man who has never cheated is like finding a needle in a haystack. It's damn near pandemic now.
ReplyDeleteWhat burns me up is the indignant cheater...the guy who's mad at you b/c you've peeped his cheat game. What is that about??
More than the immaturity that the infidelity itself signals, I'm actually more concerned about the lack of accountability, the lack of atonement, the lack of true contrition from men who choose to whore around. Almost as if it's their birth right.
So you're a woman and he's cheated. You don't believe he's "a cheater" but the trust is broken, security is breached. You've agreed to stay together. What do you do to feel safe with this man again?
Or, you're a man who has cheated (hypothetically) but you are not "a cheater." You wanna be with your girl. What do you do to rebuild trust?