The TRUTH is the best and easiest GAME to play. Often times when people first meet they send their REPRESENTATIVES or they do what is called wear a MASK. Why? Because no one wants to reveal themselves too early. However, Men and Women have very different reasons for this.
Men’s reasoning is they don’t want to “squander” any possible outcome from the very beginning by talking too much. The desired outcome varies with the stage of MENTAL MATURITY of the man. It ranges from possibly having SEX, another date, potential relationship, a trophy piece to show your boys…etc. You don’t want to be seen as a PLAYA or a PUSHOVER.
Women’s reasoning is they don’t want to “scare off” a man up front by telling too much. Depending on their MENTAL MATURITY their desired outcome varies as well. It’s mostly to see how much they can get from a man before revealing their intentions. Immature women typically look for material things…i.e. money, handbags, jewelry, shopping sprees. This is evident as lots of younger women desire to date street pharmacists, older dudes or athletes/entertainers exclusively. More mature women look for more emotional things like honesty, commitment, faithfulness, security, emotional stimulation….etc. However, you don’t want to seem like a GOLD DIGGER or a DESPERATE WOMAN.
The problem with hiding your true intentions upfront is you attract the WRONG person. Eventually, everybody comes back to the MIDDLE. Meaning that you will have to “Be Yourself” at some point. No one desires to keep up a façade forever. However, by that time, you have already established your “REPRESENTATIVE” as the Perfect Mate. Now you start “Keeping it Real” and wonder why the relationship is falling apart or you decide you want the relationship to end and wonder why the other person won’t leave you alone.
YOU convinced them that you were an A student by scoring 100% on everything up front. Now you want to convince them that you are really a D student in a matter of weeks. If you didn’t have long term INTENTIONS….70% is passing! The myth is that you wouldn’t be able to get what you want if you tell your true intentions upfront.
The Truth Shall Set You Free is accurate in more ways than one. There is an unmatched RESPECT that you receive by telling the TRUTH. Therefore, more times than not, you would be able to get as much or more by clearly stating your true intentions. After you get to a point of realizing that the relationship will not work…it is much easier to “be set free” or end it using facts. Men and Women Respect the Truth. It is much harder to believe what you “thought” was true is a lie. That is why breakups are so hard.
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Whew, finally got set up. I'll be back later to comment.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. This is true, but only to a certain degree. I think this depends on the morals and values of the two involved.
ReplyDeleteCorrect me if I'm wrong but it seems the majority of relationships that last are the ones where the woman plays hard to get in the beginning (even if she truly and honestly wants to have sex with the guy on the first date or not). This may be a little Old-Fashioned but does a guy really look at a woman the same way (with respect) if she's honest with him about everything she wants and needs out of a relationship right off the bat?
I'm all for being honest but is there such a thing called being too honest??
When you talk about being "Honest" and telling the "Truth" do you mean just being "Honest" or do you mean being "Open"...because there is a difference???
I am merely talking about communicating your true intentions. If you want a relationship then say that. If you want just a person to spend time with but no commitment...then say that. Don't act like one but desire the other. That is the point that I am making. This is when the confusion happens and people think they are doing the right thing. Then the dreaded "conversation" happens that let them know what the true intentions of your mate become clear. It is too late by then...the relationship already has it's own voice. So matter what you say at that point...people have an idea of what they thought the relationship was and would turn out to be.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the "hard to get" thing. I think that is the biggest myth ever. I think I will blog on that at some point. For now...No man stays with a woman because she is playing hard to get! It goes back to intentions. If a man wants only to have sex with you bad enough...he will wait you out on your "sex moratorium". After sex the same result of his intentions for the relationship will happen. In fact, I am going to blog about this now.
The best game is NO GAME. Be your authentic self and understand that anyone that is does not connect to that is not for you (and that is not a bad thing). If you don't like yourself, spend some time alone improving the things about yourself you are not proud of and want to hide from other people - POLISH yourself. Then get your mind right and believe in what you are selling. If you get turned off a few times, it's ok, it's their loss and your companion is still out, just stay true until it happens. It WILL happen, and it will be the best relationship ever.
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo! Preach!
ReplyDeleteMy girls and I talk about this all the time...folks sending their "representatives" to the party rather than their true authentic selves.
Honesty is 100% the best policy...no bullshit...no lies. Why would anyone think they can achieve long-term happiness with someone when they are lying about who they are??
Bravo Mauzy!
My comment is more about dismantling the representative. Does my honesty/openness have bad timing despite its noble purpose? I believe people spend so much time dreaming about the fairytale they forget life throws curve balls. As my dad says, it's not what you plan for that breaks you, it's what you don't plan for. So, I like to know "who" I am dating by finding out his opinions on various topics and his purported courses of action under various scenarios. I will ask anything - what would you do if you found your wife cheating, if your mother got sick and needed to be taken care of, if your brother was beating his wife, if you lost your job, if you found out you or your wife was infertile. People get soo freaked out - you would think I asked them to give me a naked photo to post on the web. I have seen couples date for 5,6 yrs, get married and divorce in 2. I struggled to understand. Then I thought, obviously these were people who were dishonest with each other about who they were and what they wanted (either intentionally or unintentionally). So since I can't do anything about the intentional lie, I have been seeking a strategy to address the unintentional lie. My theory of "the marriage handbook" - everybody has a set of assumptions about what marriage looks like and they often don't discuss it with their significant other, not because it's not important, but because there is an implied assumption that the expectations are so standard and so germane that no comment is necessary - like asking a woman whether she wants to keep her maiden name or how many children she wants versus if she wants any at all or whether it is appropriate for a married person to hang out after 2am? So nobody talks about it and then they get married. Then she says "my dad came home every night by 7pm, no you can't play poker until 11pm on the weekday or weekend." Then he says "my mom cooked a huge dinner every Sun after church and invited all our family over and I expect you to do it too." Now the two of you are looking at each other wondering who the other person is that could be putting the burden of these expectations on you and now you want a refund! As you should, because you did not marry the person you wanted, you married the person you did - you just didn't realize they weren't the person you wanted. It can be financially and emotionally devastating to fall in love with the man or woman someone would/could/should be instead of the person he/she is.
ReplyDeleteSo somebody please tell me if that kind of "open" discourse is "too intimate" for early conversation and if so any theories of why it might make people uncomfortable.
Wow Chase! I love the post! I say "Open" it up early and often. I have my own theories about why marriage don't work but I agree with yours as well. I mostly think people get married for the wrong reasons.
ReplyDeleteokay Mauzy, I'm going to take some time to read and comment later.
ReplyDelete