The biggest myth that I hear from women is that “Playing Hard to Get“ will make a man respect them. No MAN respects a woman JUST because she is “Playing Hard to Get”. If a man want to have sex with a woman bad enough he will wait out the “Sex Moratorium” you put on. Generally, Men will keep in touch with you but most men won’t commit to much until after sex. It is like the validation of a woman’s real interest in him.
I think too much credit is given to the correlation between Sex and Respect. They are really mutually exclusive. There are many successful relationships that sex happened quickly. As well as, there are many unsuccessful relationships that sex didn’t happen until later. It really comes back to the intentions of the people going in. If both are on the same page about what they want then the relationship has a better chance of survival. When they have sex, has absolutely nothing to do with it unless it is a sexual relationship. It really depends on the sexual nature of the people involved.
If one or both are very “intimate/sexual” people then waiting for sex will only prolong the advancement of the relationship, if not, kill it altogether. It could die because sex is such an important part of a relationship to those people that they lose interest in the long-term possibility. Sexually incompatible people can work, however, one person will have to be willing to conform. This can only happen if the conforming person realizes that sex is not the ONLY part of a relationship and the other parts are fulfilled.
That is the main point. Sex is only PART of a relationship. People tend to make it bigger than it is. Women hold sex as the last line of defense…men hold conversation and time as the last line of defense. That is the “Great Stalemate”. Typically, A woman is saying “Why would I give you sex and you don’t give me time?” A man’s stance is “Why would I spend all my time with you and you don’t give me sex?” When that “trade-off” is in balance, relationships tend to be able to grow because the other things finally get the attention they need.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm a blog virgin who keeps losing her posts. I'm going to do this offline and come back...Promise.
ReplyDeleteSex and relationships are such unique situations... to unique pairs of people... There is not one set of rules that 100% apply to every single person and couple, which you discussed... You gave quite an open-minded philosophy... Something to think about... Good job.
ReplyDeleteLish.
We're back to playing MIND GAMES. We live in a society that's driven by sex, whether we want to admit it or not.
ReplyDeleteThe reason people tend to make sex BIGGER than what it is....is because it is.
And not all women take part in that so-called “Sex Moratorium”. Have you ever thought of the fact that some women have been hurt by men so much that they've actually lost their sex drive and is even scared of it because they associate sex with hurt feelings. Sad but true.
Hi Tiffany. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteMy comment about the "Sex Moratorium" was in direct correlation to your comment "Playing Hard to Get". This blog was about the Myth that if you "Play Hard to Get" or the longer you make him wait then the more he will Respect you. I wasn't talking to people who make people wait because they have low or no sex drive. That is totally different.
Society makes sex BIGGER than it is, so does that mean you have to do the same? Sex should be put in the proper perspective based on the two people's relationship preferences. Believe it or not there are some relationships where sex is not the biggest part of the relationship and they work just fine. Different strokes for different folks. I think your sex drive should match as close as possible to your partners. If you have low or no sex drive, then it will be hard to have a successful relationship with a sex fein. I'm not saying either is right or wrong...just diffent.
Hey Mauzy,
ReplyDeleteSex is a hugely important part of relationship. I am fundamentally opposed to people using sex as a carrot or a stick. It is the deepest most intimate connection you can share with another human being.
That's the very reason that I DON'T have sex with any man until I'm sure I am ready to be emotionally bonded to him. And that only comes when I can be sure that we share the same values, morals and beliefs. In my past, that's happened in as short a time as two weeks to as long a time as 2 years. But there's no love-making until those boxes have been checked.
Here's why it's a big deal....Sex can kill you! With the rate of HIV/AIDs cases among African Americans on the rise, it's incumbent on each of us to do some due diligence before we hit the sack.
To a less morbid (but not less important) degree there's also the possibility of making babies with this person. I just don't make it a habit of sleeping with someone I wouldn't be more than happy to co-parent with for 18+ years.
This was all VERY different when I was 25. But at a wiser, more mature 35, it just ain't happening.
So if a guy is getting the red light from me, it's not because I'm "playing games." It's because I'm being cautious, I'm getting to know him, I'm being...well, a grown up.
Hey Ladonna,
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree sex is important...I still think it shouldn't be the most important. The things you mentioned about it are very common for unsafe sex which is another issue altogether. However, you kind of made my point by saying that you don't have sex until the other boxes are checked. Those would be your priorities for a relationship. Different strokes for different folks. Some people have different priorities for their relationships. It's not a right or wrong thing in terms of the chance of relationship survival as to when you have sex. It survives when people have the same intentions/priorities... it could be sex or church.
I am in no way promoting having sex as soon as you meet someone. I am just stating that the correlation with making someone wait because you think they will respect does not exist.
@ Mauzy
ReplyDeleteOh I totally agree...Sex and "respect" have nothing to do with each other. I think it's crazy to think that holding out will garner his respect.
I was just saying that I "hold out" (if you wanna call it that) because I'm doing due diligence. If a guy thinks I'm "playing games" then he doesn't understand who I am.