“Ring The Belle”

“If you like it then you shoulda put a Ring on It”. That song is catchy but is it true? When should you get married?

Why doesn’t marriage have a better success rate? I hear a lot of people start to talk about the things that go on INSIDE the marriage. “They changed…or they didn’t change!” “I expected This but That happened.” “They are never home.” “They don’t cook.” All of these are things that are perceived to have happened after the wedding. However, I believe, in order to answer any problem you have to get to the ROOT CAUSE. Therefore, I think the root cause is that people get married for the wrong reason. Got pregnant, long term relationship and it was time, they got “good” hair and green eyes, to stop someone from cheating, don’t want anybody else to have them, the idea of a big wedding , clock running out, wanna have kids, tired of being alone, financial security…etc. All of those start with being selfish. Nothing is about the union. Most people get married with the mindset that if it doesn’t work, divorce is always an option. No one goes in thinking that they will get divorced but many don’t think that they CAN’T get divorced either. That is the issue. If you knew you couldn’t get out of it…would you still make the same decision to get married? Many of the things couples complain about INSIDE the marriage were very evident before the wedding.

If you think you are tired of cheating…then STOP CHEATING. However, that is NOT a good reason to get married. Marriage won’t magically make you stop cheating. Marriage won’t necessarily make you less available to potential suitors. There are plenty of people who exclusively DATE married people. If you are not 100% committed then the relationship won’t work. You should look forward to seeing your mate even after the honeymoon stage. That should be the one part of your day that you can count on being at peace and happy. Of course there will be disagreements and some "Bad Times" but if you feel compelled to hold a grudge and can’t resolve conflict with your mate, then you probably are not with the right mate. You should always be DRIVING toward the Good Times vs. Getting Dropped Off at the Bad Times. If your “Core” doesn’t match your mate’s, then when you both change and grow …it will probably be in opposite directions. If you realize that you have casted a SUPPORTING actor for a LEADING role... Must the Show Really Go On?

Marriage should start with God since it is a Holy union by origin and definition. If you are not into that part of it then “Shack Up”. Why expose yourself to the potential emotional and financial hardship if you don’t think about it from a spiritual standpoint. Most of the time, you do the same things anyway. Not many of us are virgins when we decide to get married or even virgins to our mate. Nothing changes but last names and sometimes addresses. The rest is all about the financial and societal expectations.

If you are not spiritual and can’t convince your mate that marriage is only for the spiritual people, your marriage can still work if you are really COMMITTED to your mate and the relationship. Just know that you are getting married because of SOCIETY’s expectations and NOT your own. You have to be willing to make sacrifices in all relationships. Therefore, don’t throw away your, otherwise, “perfect” relationship with the person you feel you can spend the rest of your life with for “technicalities”. By all means, get married and live happy. There are many relationships that survive that don’t put God first. For the sake of not turning this into a spiritual argument…let’s just say that is by the GRACE of GOD that those work. This is evidenced by the fact that many unstable relationships tend to get better later in life when one or both people find their connection to GOD.